Me, Myself & I(ndependence).

The aim for my blog has always been to share my thoughts and feelings through little rambles on my journey to happiness. It is difficult to do this sometimes, after all I’m still learning about life myself and don’t want to expose anyone to my expert advice when it may in fact turn out to be not so expert at all … BUT, finally after some time and deep consideration I feel as though I have some ramblings worth your time that I want to share with you all!

I have always found myself depending and relying on other people for my happiness, for as long as I can remember I’ve needed someone to be my best friend and ally. I mean as a child it is normal to have one ‘bestie’ and to tell them absolutely everything you hear in the playground, but my need for one person to lean on was much more deep rooted than playground gossip. It has always been difficult for me to let myself have thoughts and feelings on my own without instantly feeling the need to share them with another person (and I know I’m not the only one!) This character trait has left me feeling rather isolated and excluded at times that I have been unable to tell someone about my feelings or have lost the person that I had been leaning on, so for a while I’ve known independence is something I have to work on.

At the end of the day you are the only person in your life that will be constant and can promise forever. People change and grow and move apart and pass away, that is life. All we can do as human beings is learn how to react to these changes with calmness and acceptance. The way in which I think for me personally to do so is through independence! I know that so many people feel the same way and could do with some proper self love, so you will be thrilled to know I’ve got some advice for you…

  1. ENJOY ‘me’ time.      

We often hear how important ‘me’ time is in modern society and how crucial it is that we ‘focus on our selves’ and what our minds need. This is true, however when does anyone actually listen to this advice and enjoy following it!? Recently I have taken more time out to focus on doing things for me regardless of whether I have to do them alone or not. But more importantly I have enjoyed my own company for the first time in my whole entire life (not that 18 years is an eternity but you get my gist)

From every day activities like going to the gym, revising and popping to the shops to things I would have previously been emotional about such as walks, long drives, visiting the cemetery… I HAVE DONE THEM ALL ALONE. We are all capable of leaning on ourselves in times of need and it is so important to be able to live without the need to pour our hearts out every single day. I’ve learnt this the hard way but after a long winded struggle with ‘me time’, I finally enjoy my own company.

2.  ‘Date’ yourself.

For some reason, society looks at people doing things alone as sad and negative but in actual fact I think it is quite the opposite. I am striving to date myself and I would urge you all to do the same. Firstly, ‘falling in love’ with yourself as a person (not to the point where you become an arrogant arsehole but just basic levels of self love) is something which no one takes the time to do these days. The more you build yourself up and become positive about life, the more love you require and self love is the best love you can get! As well as this, actually ‘dating’ yourself and taking yourself out to do things that you enjoy is something that can build so much self esteem and confidence within you as a person. Perhaps setting yourself a goal to go out for coffee on your own once a month to start with, slowly you may be able to extend the time you spend alone and go on getaway breaks or out for meals alone. Who’s to say you cant choose to spend some of your time just on your own and actually enjoy it! There are no limits to what you are capable of.

  3. Keep your heart open.

As easy as it would be to close off any outside people, (friends, family, partners) once you’ve started this journey to independence, it is crucial to keep a place for others in your heart too. Yes, you are the one person that is always a definite but human nature is to love and be loved. Its all well and good being a sassy independent woman (or man) for your whole life but as humans we need other connections too. Don’t get me wrong this might sound a bit contradictory of everything I have just promoted, but finding a balance is the key to everything in life! Love, alcohol, food.. the whole shi-bang! As much as I have suggested that people cant be trusted, not every person in life is going to let you down! Life is a rollercoaster and you cant wrap yourself in bubble wrap, feelings will be felt and you might be let down by people but that’s all part of the ride. Once you love and accept yourself, accepting let downs and disappointment from others out of your control becomes easier.

 

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Realistically being completely self dependent and happy on your own is something that every person needs to work on and it is a life long journey! There’s no magic wand (as shit as that is) and sadly no quick fix. But taking small steps everyday, you can get to the place within self love and independence you need to be. We’re all learning and no one is perfect, emotions are out of our control to an extent so its simply about manipulating the situations we let ourselves into. And remember… balance is key.

Cara.

x

Motherless Mothers Day?

As Mothers day looms, those lacking a Mother can be left feeling isolated and frankly very crap. I am aware that for someone who constantly says positivity is the answer, the title of this blog post may be confusing but I feel it is something that needs to be addressed.

At the end of the day loosing a parent is never easy but special occasions can be very difficult, especially days that are focused solely on that parent. I don’t want to be negative and look at grieving in the ‘typical’ way, so I’ve decided to devote a blog post to everyone who is without their Mum on Mothers day and support people with my advice and experiences dealing with this.

The first mothers day I experienced without my Mum by my side was odd…to put it lightly. It seemed unfair that whilst ‘everyone’ else was showering their Mums with flowers and love, I was left with heart ache and a mum spaced hole in my heart. As time has gone on the way that I feel about this dreaded day has changed and I now find it a little easier every year.

It may be cliché to say that ‘time heals’, but it truly does. Every minute without someone is a minute in which you learn to live without them and to remember the happy times instead of dwelling on the lack of their presence. Something that I have found helpful when occasions focused on ‘Mothers’ arise is to take some time to look through pictures of happy times me and my Mum shared, by doing this the topic isn’t avoided and swept under the carpet waiting to pounce on me in later years. These occasions then become a time of remembrance and a time to let shit out!

Crying isn’t always bad. It might seem like something to avoid especially when you’re feeling particularly vulnerable emotionally, but in fact it releases SO much pressure and tension from inside and if nothing else… it helps you sleep! 

Something else which I have been able to do over time (no, I couldn’t instantly think of productive, positive coping strategies) is to treat other ‘Mums’ in my life and around me to the things I would have my own Mum! By showing other amazing women in my life how special they are and creating closer relationships with them, the Mum spaced hole seems to be slowly bandaging up, not filling up but not as raw.

Mothers day isn’t going to be easy when you haven’t got a Mum physically around to celebrate with, but as with anyone who has passed away, keeping their memory alive is key to making these times a little less isolating and scary.

Regardless of whether your Mum is with you on Mothers day or not it is a time to thank and celebrate all the amazing women around! So here’s to all the Mothers, including the ones who aren’t with us anymore!

Happy Mothers Day Mum.

Love, Cara.

 

 

 

 

 

Its all about perspective.

I know most people will agree that listening to cheesy advice or inspirational quotes seems pretty pointless most of the time and just quite ridiculous to be frank. I would need so many hands to count the amount of times I’ve said to myself  ‘How can breathing deeply possibly help with how shit I’m feeling?!’ or ‘Don’t you dare tell me to exercise off my low moods.’  Instead of trying the  ‘crap’ techniques that so many people have suggested to me for so long, I’ve moped around and tried to hide myself from the world or pretend I’m feeling ‘tip- top’ when it couldn’t be further from the truth. What I’ve never actually done is change my mind-set to give those supposedly ‘shitty’ bits of advice a go.

In life I always try to make decisions based on the theory of, why not? After all you have literally no idea what is around the corner and life can change before your eyes. Shit happens, it always has and it always will. But the one thing I’ve realised I can personally change is my own perspective.

The last few months for me have been a struggle. I’ve had to come to terms with my own mental health and the way in which I see myself and the world around me. For years I’ve blamed my unhappiness on the world and the bad things in it but in actual fact the real bad thing was my perspective on everything, including the way I see myself! As ridiculous as it sounds, something which stood out to me and changed the way in which I viewed my place in the world was from a TV Series called ‘My Mad Fat Diary.’ Ray is the main character and is suicidal, her friend asks her a question which has stuck with me ever since, ‘Did you really think you could slip out of the world without anything changing?’ It is so easy in such a fast paced society to disregard your own importance and value yourself lower than everyone around you, but every person has their own little piece of this world and loosing a piece of the world would not go unnoticed.

So I took it upon myself to listen to the wise owls around me and take baby steps towards happiness. That is so unbelievably important when it comes to mental health. One day at a time.

Exercise has been a crucial part of my journey. You can ask anyone that knows me and they will laugh and tell you about my obese younger self, so its safe to say that exercising publicly has never been my favourite activity. However, after hearing countless speeches on serotonin being a natural anti-depressant, I thought why not? Daily activity and getting the blood pumping around my body has really lifted me and given me drive to be me! I’ve surprised myself and have actually for the first time ever, enjoyed exercise…shock horror the cheesy advice was right all along. That’s what I seem to be learning the older I get, all of the things you laugh at as a child you live by as an adult. Even changing my diet has done wonders and simply eating a little healthier has physically given me more energy to get up and get through every day! Not that I’m some kind of gym goddess or fitness guru or anything, but little changes go a long way (whether its a placebo or not, its working)!!

Another thing I’ve really tried to change is my own thought processes, at the end of the day your thoughts cause feelings and feelings cause behaviour…blah blah blah I’m sure you’ve heard it before! So, your thoughts are quite important really and influence your happiness! Just by trying to view people in a more positive light I have personally found a happier me. Doing nice things for people and saying nice things to them too, actually makes me feel nicer. After all you cant change your face but you can change your attitude and your… (you guessed it) PERSPECTIVE!

Everything is a work in progress and no one is perfect or happy all of the time, I know that. But I just want people to realise the impact of the small things you  do everyday on your mental health and happiness. You cant cure depression with healthy eating and a run, but you can change your perspective on life and that in itself may just be enough…

Cara x

 

Saying Hello…

Well here I am, writing a blog post. What a thrilling introduction I do apologise for the lack of emotion in my writing and for the fact I don’t have an extravagant opening catchphrase! The concept of blogging is very unknown to me. I find it extremely bizarre that I can simply sit in my bed looking like crap and write a bunch of words which express my deepest or most honest feelings and they may or may not be seen by anyone at all?

So after that ramble you might actually want to know who I am and what I’m doing here in this corner of the interweb (and if not then I guess you can’t please everyone!). I’ve wanted to start a blog and reach out since for a few years now, since I was about 11. At that age I had started to delve into the world of social influencers and my passion for watching YouTube was blossoming, I became rather addicted! I just found it hugely therapeutic that I could click twice and watch unlimited videos of people who made me smile WHENEVER I wanted to and when it seemed like smiling was impossible! Growing up watching YouTube has definitely  influenced my view on the world and I believe that the internet has given so many people such amazing opportunities and happiness, which is the main thing I am searching for (but of course I’m aware of the dangers of the internet too, don’t panic)!

To put it simply, I have been battling with my mental health for a long time now and I just want to be able to reach out and engage in the community that I have been on the other side of for so long! I love writing and I’ve always found it an amazing way to vent my feelings and get my head straight. So that alone is the biggest reason I’m sat here writing right now! I want to help people who feel alone and I want to be able to look back on this difficult time in my life when I’m better, WHICH I WILL BE!

If I could make one person feel slightly less alone then my life would be better and I would have achieved something great, but at the end of the day at least this blog gives me somewhere to vent and talk about whatever I need to whenever I need to. I want this space to be honest and real, no one is perfect and I certainly make many mistakes.

So join me on my journey to happiness…

Cara x