As Mothers day looms, those lacking a Mother can be left feeling isolated and frankly very crap. I am aware that for someone who constantly says positivity is the answer, the title of this blog post may be confusing but I feel it is something that needs to be addressed.
At the end of the day loosing a parent is never easy but special occasions can be very difficult, especially days that are focused solely on that parent. I don’t want to be negative and look at grieving in the ‘typical’ way, so I’ve decided to devote a blog post to everyone who is without their Mum on Mothers day and support people with my advice and experiences dealing with this.
The first mothers day I experienced without my Mum by my side was odd…to put it lightly. It seemed unfair that whilst ‘everyone’ else was showering their Mums with flowers and love, I was left with heart ache and a mum spaced hole in my heart. As time has gone on the way that I feel about this dreaded day has changed and I now find it a little easier every year.
It may be cliché to say that ‘time heals’, but it truly does. Every minute without someone is a minute in which you learn to live without them and to remember the happy times instead of dwelling on the lack of their presence. Something that I have found helpful when occasions focused on ‘Mothers’ arise is to take some time to look through pictures of happy times me and my Mum shared, by doing this the topic isn’t avoided and swept under the carpet waiting to pounce on me in later years. These occasions then become a time of remembrance and a time to let shit out!
Crying isn’t always bad. It might seem like something to avoid especially when you’re feeling particularly vulnerable emotionally, but in fact it releases SO much pressure and tension from inside and if nothing else… it helps you sleep!
Something else which I have been able to do over time (no, I couldn’t instantly think of productive, positive coping strategies) is to treat other ‘Mums’ in my life and around me to the things I would have my own Mum! By showing other amazing women in my life how special they are and creating closer relationships with them, the Mum spaced hole seems to be slowly bandaging up, not filling up but not as raw.
Mothers day isn’t going to be easy when you haven’t got a Mum physically around to celebrate with, but as with anyone who has passed away, keeping their memory alive is key to making these times a little less isolating and scary.
Regardless of whether your Mum is with you on Mothers day or not it is a time to thank and celebrate all the amazing women around! So here’s to all the Mothers, including the ones who aren’t with us anymore!
Happy Mothers Day Mum.