The aim for my blog has always been to share my thoughts and feelings through little rambles on my journey to happiness. It is difficult to do this sometimes, after all I’m still learning about life myself and don’t want to expose anyone to my expert advice when it may in fact turn out to be not so expert at all … BUT, finally after some time and deep consideration I feel as though I have some ramblings worth your time that I want to share with you all!
I have always found myself depending and relying on other people for my happiness, for as long as I can remember I’ve needed someone to be my best friend and ally. I mean as a child it is normal to have one ‘bestie’ and to tell them absolutely everything you hear in the playground, but my need for one person to lean on was much more deep rooted than playground gossip. It has always been difficult for me to let myself have thoughts and feelings on my own without instantly feeling the need to share them with another person (and I know I’m not the only one!) This character trait has left me feeling rather isolated and excluded at times that I have been unable to tell someone about my feelings or have lost the person that I had been leaning on, so for a while I’ve known independence is something I have to work on.
At the end of the day you are the only person in your life that will be constant and can promise forever. People change and grow and move apart and pass away, that is life. All we can do as human beings is learn how to react to these changes with calmness and acceptance. The way in which I think for me personally to do so is through independence! I know that so many people feel the same way and could do with some proper self love, so you will be thrilled to know I’ve got some advice for you…
- ENJOY ‘me’ time.
We often hear how important ‘me’ time is in modern society and how crucial it is that we ‘focus on our selves’ and what our minds need. This is true, however when does anyone actually listen to this advice and enjoy following it!? Recently I have taken more time out to focus on doing things for me regardless of whether I have to do them alone or not. But more importantly I have enjoyed my own company for the first time in my whole entire life (not that 18 years is an eternity but you get my gist)
From every day activities like going to the gym, revising and popping to the shops to things I would have previously been emotional about such as walks, long drives, visiting the cemetery… I HAVE DONE THEM ALL ALONE. We are all capable of leaning on ourselves in times of need and it is so important to be able to live without the need to pour our hearts out every single day. I’ve learnt this the hard way but after a long winded struggle with ‘me time’, I finally enjoy my own company.
2. ‘Date’ yourself.
For some reason, society looks at people doing things alone as sad and negative but in actual fact I think it is quite the opposite. I am striving to date myself and I would urge you all to do the same. Firstly, ‘falling in love’ with yourself as a person (not to the point where you become an arrogant arsehole but just basic levels of self love) is something which no one takes the time to do these days. The more you build yourself up and become positive about life, the more love you require and self love is the best love you can get! As well as this, actually ‘dating’ yourself and taking yourself out to do things that you enjoy is something that can build so much self esteem and confidence within you as a person. Perhaps setting yourself a goal to go out for coffee on your own once a month to start with, slowly you may be able to extend the time you spend alone and go on getaway breaks or out for meals alone. Who’s to say you cant choose to spend some of your time just on your own and actually enjoy it! There are no limits to what you are capable of.
3. Keep your heart open.
As easy as it would be to close off any outside people, (friends, family, partners) once you’ve started this journey to independence, it is crucial to keep a place for others in your heart too. Yes, you are the one person that is always a definite but human nature is to love and be loved. Its all well and good being a sassy independent woman (or man) for your whole life but as humans we need other connections too. Don’t get me wrong this might sound a bit contradictory of everything I have just promoted, but finding a balance is the key to everything in life! Love, alcohol, food.. the whole shi-bang! As much as I have suggested that people cant be trusted, not every person in life is going to let you down! Life is a rollercoaster and you cant wrap yourself in bubble wrap, feelings will be felt and you might be let down by people but that’s all part of the ride. Once you love and accept yourself, accepting let downs and disappointment from others out of your control becomes easier.
Realistically being completely self dependent and happy on your own is something that every person needs to work on and it is a life long journey! There’s no magic wand (as shit as that is) and sadly no quick fix. But taking small steps everyday, you can get to the place within self love and independence you need to be. We’re all learning and no one is perfect, emotions are out of our control to an extent so its simply about manipulating the situations we let ourselves into. And remember… balance is key.